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What is a Healthy Childhood
Pia Mellody,
author and
therapist, defines the true nature of children as comprising 5
characteristics. When these 5
characteristics are recognized and honored by parents and supported by
the
environment in which children grow-up, then the children experience a
healthy
childhood.
The first
characteristic
is that all children are valuable. The
idea of having value is a spiritual idea that assumes all humans have
inherent
worth, and therefore children don’t have to do anything special or
achieve
anything special to be prized as precious.
When parents recognize this characteristic, it results in them
treating
their children respectfully, and the children develop feelings of
self-worth.
The second
characteristic
that defines the true nature of children is that all children are
vulnerable. It is easy to understand
when children are infants that they need both physical and emotional
protection. These needs continue
throughout childhood in evolving, age-appropriate ways.
When parents recognize that children are
vulnerable, it results in children not being abused or neglected and in
children being taught to be sensitive to others.
The third
characteristic
is that all children are imperfect. In
fact, all human beings are imperfect and will make mistakes. Children are especially imperfect however,
because their developmental tasks are all about learning.
When parents recognize that children are
imperfect, it results in them teaching children to be accountable and
learn
throughout their childhood without shaming.
The fourth
characteristic
is that all children are dependent, which translates day-to-day in them
having
needs and wants. This dependency
includes physical needs such as food, shelter, medical, and physical
nurturing
as well as emotional needs. Emotional
needs have been defined by author and therapist David Richo as
including the 5
A’s – attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing. When children are emotionally nurtured they
receive:
- Attention,
which is
an engaged focus on children’s needs and feelings. Attention
creates feelings of safety, trust and mattering.
- Acceptance,
where
children are embraced as worthy.
Acceptance looks like cherishing with no parental agenda for who
the
children are or what they need to accomplish.
- Appreciation, which
adds depth to acceptance. Appreciation
is the supportive belief in and valuing of children’s potential,
spirit,
talents, and accomplishments.
- Affection,
which is
genuine liking and closeness demonstrated on a feeling and physical
level.
- Allowing,
which is
giving age-appropriate freedoms to allow children to grow into unique
and
authentic selves.
The fifth
characteristic
that defines the true nature of children is that all children are
immature, or
said another way, they are at maturity levels appropriate for their
corresponding developmental levels.
When parents recognize this characteristic about their children,
they
know what to expect and what’s appropriate for their children’s
development
stage, and they help their children act in age appropriate ways. In turn, children don’t become over or under
responsible as adults.
If the
majority of these
characteristics are supported the majority of the time, children
experience
healthy childhoods. If you’re
interested in looking more closely at your childhood experiences or
your
parenting, please call me for an initial consultation at 720-363-5538. Also, you can monitor the Events page on my
website, www.hlcounseling.com,
for
upcoming workshops on Healing Family of Origin Wounds. If
you want to be added to the waitlist for
this workshop, you can do so by sending me email from my website or
directly to
heather@hlcounseling.com.
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